Do you know what people will say?
There is a famous Hindi dialogue in India, ‘Log kya kahenge?’ meaning ‘What will people say?’. I must have heard this dialogue about a million times in my life. Growing up in South Asian countries is a very different and unique experience. You will find the wall of judgment pre-defined for the choices, progress, behavior, and status you carve.
Whether you are an 8-year-old kid or a 16-year-old teenager, you sometimes stem from your choices and thoughts based on what people will say. Once you become a part of any community or tribe, you will be bound to receive judgment from people who are not accountable to you.
It’s a competitive space where different individuals are paired and compared concerning their grades, personality, talents, etc. Whether you ace your exams, determine the degree program of your choice, become friends with a backbencher student, or pursue a new hobby, there will be eyes on you every time. Quite literally.
If you are a top achiever in school or college, you will be summoned with praise and if you are not among the top rankers, you won’t get anywhere close to that attention badge. When I was in fourth grade, I ranked 6th in my class and my classmate’s Mom stated that her daughter should hang out with me often since I was under the top ten in class. Only in my early 20s, I started realizing how these parental influences could shake or build the right foundation for children.
How does the Judgemental Society impact us?
When the fear of what people will say takes over, the individuals are restricted from their self-growth, confidence, self-esteem & happiness. I used to have a close friend in school who was exceptionally talented in badminton. Back in our school days, she was awarded the top player in the state and his age category. With more than 50+ awards under her belt, I thought one day she would represent India at the international level. Unfortunately, her family decided she would quit the sport after ninth grade as they were worried she would flunk her board exams and they wouldn’t be able to face the so-called judgemental society.
- Fear of judgment
The fear of judgment creates anxiety or stress that cripples individuals to make the right decisions and overthink situations from time to time. This leads them to seek constant validation from others.
All the unwanted judgments or mocking you receive should be identified and thrown in the dustbin early. But it’s important to know that you aren’t an ice cream to keep everyone happy. So it’s better not to expect everyone to understand and follow you.
Studies have shown how the judgments can lead to psychological effects on individuals. They can lead to stress, anxiety, depression & so on. What others will think and say should be unhinged from our experiences.
2. Limiting beliefs
Discriminatory beliefs like ‘you are too young to decide’ or ‘you can’t drive well because you are a woman’ or ‘a man should never cry’ can limit us from the right decision, feelings, or thoughts. Those affected individuals would also develop unfair biases towards people with diverse backgrounds & cultures as they grow up.
As a teen, I was constantly told that I was ‘dark-skinned’ and ‘not beautiful’. Hence, I resorted to different beauty creams and oils that could enhance my skin color. But that turned out to be a disaster and broke out my skin. These kinds of labels would not just limit an individual from their beliefs but also limit them from taking the necessary steps in life.
3. Low self-esteem
The lack of inadequacy and confidence can bring turmoil to your work, relationships, and personal development. It will foster an inferiority complex and division among people from different backgrounds. This in turn affects the performances and behaviours in a group.
Imagine going to a team activity at work and feeling you don’t belong or deserve to be with the team. So you don’t proactively participate or engage with your peers or colleagues in the team.
4. Decline in socializing
A person’s ability to socialize and open themselves with another person is based on trust. So if the person fears that they cannot trust your judgments and make them feel low, they won’t open up. The person would rather be like a closed book.
The rejections thrown by society make them reduce their social circle and increase their negative self-image. To overcome this, having more openness and acceptance before giving judgment is important.
For people who judge,
- Be kind and empathetic in giving your opinions and perspectives.
- Be sensitive to the other person’s background.
- Be open to acknowledge & correct yourself if you have unintentionally judged anyone in unhelpful ways.
- Be constructive with your judgements and do not waste anyone’s time with unnecessary judgments.
- Try to stop any unnecessary judgements and don’t jump to conclusions soon.
For people who get judged,
- Recognize that you are important and deserve all the happiness around you.
- Don’t let a negative judgment affect your core beliefs and values.
- Mark your boundaries with people who tend to be judgemental and let you know.
- Recognize and engage with people who uplift you or criticize you constructively.
- Acknowledge that ‘you are beautiful and amazing’ from the inside out. Say it out loud with positive affirmations.
End of the day, we all want peace of mind rather than a piece of wasted advice or judgment. Be accountable for what you say and receive.
